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I believed the ones who didn’t have to do this—who could drink or not without much care or consequence—were just so damn lucky. They’d never have to fight this particular, stupid war. Shit, they didn’t even have to be aware it existed!
Keep ReadingWhen I got back to my house after the beach, I set my sandy bag on the floor and stood in the kitchen, unsure what to do with myself. The space was so quiet. So bare. Had I ruined it here?
Keep ReadingAddiction is a dick, but I also love that it happened to me. Because it brought me to my knees. It slammed me into a wall of pain so thick I had to stop running. It shattered all my flimsy beliefs about myself and the way life works and forced me to create new ones that would actually sustain me. It shook me awake so I could see where I was missing my life. It blasted away my judgment of others. It got me so desperate that I had to ask for help and reach out to God. In these ways and a million more: it showed me my humanity.
Keep ReadingWhat you’ll find—what I’ve found—is that the truth is ultimately life-affirming. Even when it’s ugly and inconvenient and has the potential to dismantle our life.
Keep ReadingTo know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love. This is where've I have lived. This is where I am.
Keep ReadingWhen I went to write this post, I thought about all the things that have changed since September 2014. I thought I could write about all that stuff, but there’s almost too much. Everything is different, especially on the inside. So I decided to pick five things - lessons, ideas, shifts - that feel the biggest to me today.
Keep ReadingYou asked me if you’re an alcoholic, and I’m telling you it's the wrong question. It's the question we've been socialized to ask, the question I asked myself for a long time, and the question that shows up in my inbox all the time, but it's the wrong damn question. If believing you're an alcoholic feels true, if it elevates your life by furthering you on the path to betterment and healing, believe it. If it doesn't, throw it away.
Keep ReadingIt takes an ocean not to break. What does that actually mean, though? That the force of an ocean holds us together? That the ocean never actually breaks fully, even as the tide breaks over and over? Like all the best poetry and music, I’ve never really examined the meaning too closely.
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