Dear Laura

Addiction is a dick, but I also love that it happened to me. Because it brought me to my knees. It slammed me into a wall of pain so thick I had to stop running. It shattered all my flimsy beliefs about myself and the way life works and forced me to create new ones that would actually sustain me. It shook me awake so I could see where I was missing my life. It blasted away my judgment of others. It got me so desperate that I had to ask for help and reach out to God. In these ways and a million more: it showed me my humanity.

What you’ll find—what I’ve found—is that the truth is ultimately life-affirming. Even when it’s ugly and inconvenient and has the potential to dismantle our life.

You asked me if you’re an alcoholic, and I’m telling you it's the wrong question. It's the question we've been socialized to ask, the question I asked myself for a long time, and the question that shows up in my inbox all the time, but it's the wrong damn question. If believing you're an alcoholic feels true, if it elevates your life by furthering you on the path to betterment and healing, believe it. If it doesn't, throw it away.

I started to realize I could either keep joining and stay on the treadmill for a few hours of relief and “fun,” or I could push through the discomfort and keep my sobriety intact for another day. It's not that I stopped wanting the things I associated with drinking, I just wanted other things more.

Something I know to be true only 100% of the time is this: once you know a truth, you will never not know it. You’re going to end up at that truth no matter how long or complicated a detour you take.

I have a beautiful wife and three young children. Here's the thing, I feel like I'm dying. It's been three months and I can't find a job in my industry. Everyone is willing to help, but I don't know how they can. It's like, yeah, ah, get me a job. After you stop drinking life doesn't go away.

I want to be clear about something. I'm not saying that behind every fun, pretty, filtered picture on social media there's a darkness you don't know about, or a disappointment, or an unfulfilled life. I'm not saying that it's ALL a big ruse. I just saying it's mostly like that. I'm saying you should carefully consider what you're not seeing in those pictures. There's a smart saying in 12-step programs: don't compare your insides to someone else's outsides.

What if my lobster is addicted What if she's in trouble and her life has become unmanageable? Glennon talks about her family loving her very much, just not having a plan. I am stuck in this cognitive mess of "don't judge,” "just love,” but "don't enable,” "don't turn your head/sweep it under the rug/act like it's not happening" but I don't know what that is all supposed to look like from day to day.